RETRO 51 BULLETIN by Rob Woodruff
At the annual Ya-Ling festival in Manhattan, two burly knurly-knobbed Tornado rollerballs wearing bandanas got into a Cursive dispute with two elderly Acrylics: an Umbra and a Cotton Candy who were on their way to Lincoln Plaza to view a documentary about Eisenhower. The heated exchange, no doubt fueled by Absinthe or Vino on the part of the masked Tornadoes, escalated into a physical assault in Shark Alley.
Luckily, two nearby Rescue Retros armed with Easy-Flow 9000 ballpoints quickly intervened to lend a Hand. A Dog, floating like a Butterfly, dispensed a flurry of mixed-martial metaphors and a Buzz delivered several perfectly timed, stinging rebukes that subdued the ruffians until a squad of Desk Sets arrived.
The heavily inked rollerballs were apprehended at the scene and later identified as Bandits Jesse and Billy. Both were described as well-known, brightly colored Poppers always looking to spill some ink. Fortunately, the thin blue line has their Numbers and knows their Agenda but acknowledged they are nothing like the Radicals the Desk Sets occasionally encounter.
Two Japanese tourists, smartly dressed in Blue & Gray Stripes, said they were just photographing the NYC Skyline when the brouhaha erupted like a Lava Flow. The self-described 3rd-degree black belts in Sudoku said they were preparing to intercede when the Rescues appeared like bolts of Lightning out of the clear True Blue sky.
Another witness, Juliet (last name withheld), was overheard saying, “anyone that gets into a scribbling match with those Rescue Retros will be easily out-doodled. If I hadn’t been sitting here waiting for my friends Betsy and Jackie to go get some Hot Coffee I would have missed the whole thing.”
Later, the Buzz, with a Twinkle in her eye, told our reporter, “we Rescues might start out as ballpoints but we’re Tornadoes, afterall, and can easily handle any rollerballs, and we definitely know when and where to draw the line. I would happily Zap those Jokers again, she added.” She and the Dog then departed to a Medley of Cheers from a small group of nearby Elite festival attendees.
The ailing Acrylics, bruised and with minor scratches (but fortunately no chips), were escorted to Dr. Gray’s office for new refills, a brief Infusion of Red Wine, and to have their clips adjusted. Then it was just a quick Zip over to see their Legal pencil to see if charges should be filed. Declining to Bill the distraught victims for their services, the providers said their work for elderly Retros is covered by RetroCare with just a $7.50 deductible. Both victims asked to meet their rescuers to extend their “Thanks” and hope to send them each a Daisy Bouquet.
After hosing the Blue Streak and Bubblegum off the sidewalk, Engine 37 departed with sirens quiet but lights flashing.
As of 10:00 p.m. the assailants’ brother, Sundance, had yet to post bail.
Can you count how many Retro51 product/pen names were used?